Siri Hates Me

This is the conversation that I had with Siri the other day, who was clearly giving me attitude. 

Me:  "Siri, play Danza Kuduro" 

Siri:  "Will, I couldn't find "dumb f*ck" in your music." 

Me:  "Did you just call me a "dumb f*ck"?" 

Siri:  "Would you like me to call "dumb f*ck" from now on?" 

Me:  No, Siri. B*tch. 

Siri:  I respect you. (why do I feel like...in my spirit...there was a super duper side eye with that statement) 

Me:  Damn, I'm sorry, Siri. 

Siri:  It's all good, Will. 

I'm convinced that Siri is "urban." #imjustsayin

Napa Valley Tri -- The Day I Saw Jesus

That day was Saturday, April 14, 2012. And, it was approximately 7:01 a.m. in the morning at Lake Berryessa in Napa Valley, CA. Let me back up. Near the end of last year, I allowed some friends to peer pressure me into participating with them in a triathlon. I told them absolutely not at first, but then when they told me where it was -- Napa Valley aka Wine Country -- and then all of them agreed to participate, I felt that I had to participate as well. So, over the last few months I have been training for this event. I was most concerned with the swim portion of the event because, though I can swim, swimming leisurely is completely different that swimming long distance. And, I found out very quickly in my training that swimming long distances was not my forte. So, I hired a trainer and once a week for nearly 2 months, he trained me on the proper techniques of swimming long distances. And, last week, I finally truly felt like I could do the swim portion w/out a hitch. I knew that I could do the bike and run portions in my sleep, but even though I had properly trained, I was admittedly still a bit nervous about the swim. Fast forward to Friday, April 13th. We go and pick up our packets and it is a tad bit chilly at the lake. It had rained like cats and dogs the night before, so the water appeared to be just a tad bit choppy. And, the buoy for my turnaround appeared to be much much further than I anticipated. But, oh well, I have trained...I have the technique down...I will make it. 4:30 am on Saturday, the 14th, we leave our vacation home for the start of the race. It is like 40-50 degrees outside, and I'm thinking...I sure hope it warms up...and I hope the lake is not that cold. I mean...I'm standing out here in a full wetsuit with swim shoes and a swim cap on, and my teeth are chattering from both the cold and the nerves. People are jumping into the water to get their bodies adjusted to the temperature and coming back out of the water expressing how cold the water is. And, I'm thinking...I'm not going in the water until I have to. It is now 6:59 am and the countdown to the start has begun. And, at 7:00 am on the dot, the siren blows and the race starts. I had already decided that I would let the first wave of people go first b/c it would be crowded and I didn't want to be swimming over the others...or be too congested. So, about 30 seconds in, I start walking in the water and then jump all the way in. And, that's when it happened. That is when I saw Jesus. The water was so cold that I could not remember how to swim...or talk...or breathe...or my name. Apparently, it was 48 degrees to be exact. In an instant, everything that I knew was no longer and I was like a fish out of water. I tried to think warm thoughts and remember the proper techniques, and I couldn't. My body was in complete shock. And, I seriously thought I would not make it out of the water; though, interestingly enough, I was determined to finish. So, I turned over on my back and started floating on my back and looking to the sky and praying to Jesus. And, it was he and I for the next 37/38 minutes in the water. There were several times when I turned over and did the proper strokes, but those times didn't last too long because my legs started cramping up. And, 30 minutes in, as I heard the siren blow for the next heat to start, I panicked and tried to go faster. But, I couldn't. So, I just said...I'll get there when I get there. And, though I was one of the last people in my heat to come out of the water, I finished the 1/2 mile swim. I got out of the water freezing and disoriented, but I made it. I ran into the transition area...trying to make my brain unfreeze and remember what I was supposed to be doing. And, about 8 minutes later (which is way longer than it should have been), I finally hopped on my bike and started the 12 mile up and down hill bike ride. I ended up making up considerable time on both the bike and the run...though the entire time, I was STILL traumatized by the swim. What's so ironic about the whole situation is that there were times during my training that my swim coach rescheduled my weekly sessions b/c there was a problem with the heaters in the pool that I practiced in, and he said it would be way too cold for me to practice Be that as it may, I finished and I can check that experience off of my bucket list. Will I do another triathlon? (crickets)

My Inner Fat Boy

Dante. Yep, that's his name. Who is that, you ask? Oh...that's my inner fat boy. That's right...there is someone else that resides in this thin frame...and he emerges pretty damn often. Often enough that many of my friends routinely call or contact me to get advice on restaurants and food in and around the District. But, they don't really call to speak to me. They call to speak to Dante. Dante is indeed the food consigliere. Dante loves...no...adores food and gets uber excited by just the thought of it. And, on days like today...a beaufitul Friday...but not just any Friday...Farragut Food Truck Friday...Dante is exploding with glee. And, then it happens -- Dante looks at the FoodTruckFiesta real time food truck tracker (yes, it is bookmarked in all of Dante's electronic devices) and realizes that there are 14 food trucks in the Square today. 14. Yes. One cannot explain how syced Dante is right now. Uber syced. The problem with having an inner fat boy, though, is making sure that he stays in his lane b/c it ain't like my metabolism stays slaying the fat. No sirs and ma'ams. Keeping the inner fat boy requires having a routine workout (or weight loss) plan b/c God forbid the inner fat boy becomes just...the fat boy. Hell to the naw...can't have that! Won't have that...by any means necessary. Yep...by any means. Anyways...enough typing...Dante needs to eat.

Travelogue: Zanzibar

After an awesome day on safari in the Ngongongoro Crater, it was time for some rest and relaxation. And, thus on Friday morning, we flew back to the island of Zanzibar. Note that I said that we flew back because we actually spent some time in the Zanzibar airport a few days ago before flying to Arusha. Anyways, upon arriving in Zanzibar, I was taken aback yet again about the nature of their "international" airport. I mean, I know this is a remote island, but for this to be the vacation spot of many Europeans, you would think that their airport would be a little more modern. However, that is definitely not the case. We proceed to pick up our bags, and head to the currency exchange desk to get more cash. (I'll post an entire blog about this particular experience and similar experiences during the trip...as it deserves is own time.) We then go out and get a driver to take us to our hotel, the Doubletree Resort in Nungwi, which is over an hour away at the very northern tip of the island. We found Rasheed and off we went. Rasheed was a very nice older Muslim gentleman who seemed to be in his early 60s. And, when I say that his driving style was the polar opposite of Maku's, it is an understatement. Rasheed was driving like we had somewhere to go. I have never in my life been in a car where someone blew the horn as much as he did. It was hilarious. And, of course, he was riding bumpers and kept passing people. My nerves were a little rattled, but at this point, I had gotten a little used to it. He talked about the island and the different areas that we were travelling through. He told us that Zanzibar was approx. 95% Muslim, and that was evident to me from the people that we saw as we drove from one end of the island to the other. At one point, just over half way, he stopped the car at near this side street market where folks were selling street food. He wanted us to have some corn from one of the vendors. Of course, our guards were up from jump because the one thing that the doctor told us when we each got our shots is to not eat any street food. We all told Rasheed that we didn't want any corn. But, he was adamant that we each get one...and he paid for it and the vendor handed it to us. So...then we are at a dilemma...to eat or not to eat. To be honest, I love street food. I mean...anyone who knows me that I love the food trucks here in the District, and when travelling to countries in the Caribbean, I love stopping by the little street vendors for food as it is always quite tasty. But, that was not in my plan here because the doctor was so adamant about us not doing that. So...each of us held our corn without eating it. Then, slowly but surely, each of us ended up taking a bite. LOL! I mean, it really wasn't anything but grilled corn on the cob...and it was very good. Anyways, we finally get to Nungwi and see the signs for the hotel. We then turn onto the most horrible road that I have been on ever. It was unpaved, winding, with bigs holes in it at certain point, and going through Nungwi Village. It was so odd. I'm like...for the amount of money that we paid for this resort, you would think that they would have invested in the infrastructure to make sure getting to the hotel was not as difficult. At last, we arrived at the gate to the resort. And, once security verified that we were guests, they open up the gates, which completely blocked the view of the resort, and it was like we were driving into an oasis -- a stark contrast from life outside the gates. The resort was beautiful and the staff was great. We decided that today would be the day that we did absolutely nothing. So, we got situated in the room, and spent the rest of the day drinking at the the pool bar (note, the seats of the bar were actually in the pool) and just chilling out. This was the polar and much needed opposite from our safari adventure the day before...and it was great! While walking by the beach, I was approached by some locals who were offering to take my friends and I out snorkeling. They were real cool, though they had no credentials. I chatted them up for a while, as they seemed to appreciate that I was American and actually a guest at the resort (vs. working there). I called my friends over and told them about them the snorkeling excursion and told them to make the decision whether they wanted to go. They negotiated a deal and set a time for the next morning. Note that I said that THEY negotiated the deal and time...because I promise you that just as soon as the guys left, these fools were talking about how they were not going and how those dudes were probably Somali pirates. LMAO and SMH! We drank and ate the rest of the night away, and called it a day. Next morning, we head out to the beach and it was awesome. The tide was so low that we were able to walk out over a 1/4 mile out into the ocean. No joke...all of the fishing boats that we had seen the night before were not just chilling in the sand. We walk and walk and walk and walk...taking tons of pictures. It was amazing and yet another sign to me that God is indeed real. As I was thinking about life, I was also thinking about the fact that we had made an appointment with the locals to go snorkeling and I just knew they would be waiting for us when we got back. So I stayed out in the ocean for at least an hour...and then walked toward the lighthouse to avoid having to deal with that. Of course, that didn't work, b/c as I got to the lighthouse, I heard someone calling my name. When I looked back, it was Marco, one of hte locals, saying that my friends were waiting on me for the trip. I didn't tell him that my friends had already said that they were not going, but I had actually decided that I was just going to go b/c they had prepared for us, and if we didn't want to go, we shouldn't have negotiated and set a time. I get back to the hotel, and these fools are up around the corner hiding...trying to figure out what to do. LOLOL! I'm like..I'm going. Finally, BG agreed to go b/c he didn't want me to go by myself. Yes...this could have been dangerous, but I hate outright lying to folk...and I was ready to battle if I had to. LOL! Of course, we head out with them down the beach to where they said the boat was (after asking one of the workers at our hotel whether he thought they were legit or not, and he said yes) and find out quickly that they were very legit and working as part of a legit water adventures company. And, we had a great time snorkeling with them in the Indian Ocean. When finishing, we talked to Marco and Martin about where to go party that evening, and they said if we would like, they'd come pick us up. At this point, I'm like...bet...let's do it as they have already proven that they are legit. And, that night, we ended up going with this to Kendwa Rocks, this party on the beach. Next day, it was time to leave our island oasis resort. Rasheed picked us up and we headed to Stone Town, the biggest city on Zanzibar to take our ferry to Dar es Salaam. We had planned on stopping by the spice markets, as Zanzibar is known for its spices. Unfortunately, it was raining cats and dogs and we were not getting out in that monsoon. Luckily, by the time we made it to Stone Town, the rain had pretty much subsided...and Rasheed took us on a short tour of this old city. After over an hour trying to secure our tickets to the ferry, he took us to this local spot for lunch. And, when I tell you it was the best food that we had our entire trip, I don't lie. It was awesome. After lunch, we parted with Rasheed and waited on the ferry with the hundreds of other people. And, it was hot and humid as hell, particularly after that rain. We finally made it onto the ferry and set off for our 2 1/2 hour ferry ride to Dar es Salaam, Tanzania's capital...and to the airport to head home. Overall, my experience in Zanzibar and on the entire trip was awesome. Upon arriving back home in DC last night, it dawned on me that I had spent 9 days away. Had 9 flights. Visited 6 cities (though Amsterdam shouldn't really count b/c I never left the airport). Stayed in 3 hotels. Logged miles and miles and miles with 2 friends. And, all of this equated to one hell of a Thanksgiving trip -- 1 that I will remember forever.

Travelogue: Ngorongoro Crater

11.24.11 Thanksgiving in The Motherland. I have sooooo much to be thankful for...and today, it's more evident than it has been in quite awhile...as today is the day I've been looking forward to for most of life. Today is the day that I go on a safari. Woo hoo! I'm uber syced! So...we arise early. It's funny...I was so excited that an woke up an hour before my alarm went off and just listened to the sounds of the night...and it's no telling what I was hearing as I was lying in bed in the lodge...my bed covered by mosquito netting...in Arusha, Tanzania. I get up and immediately Skype my family. I am 8 hours ahead of them and they are just as excited as I am. Plus, it's Thanksgiving and I have to see their faces as they are the thing that I am most grateful for. Anyways, like clockwork, our guide, Maku, arrives on time and we set put on out 3 hr long journey to the crater. Mind you, Maku drives slow as hell. There are old ladies in walkers passing us...sophisms actually a 2 hr trip. But anyways, as we pass through village by village, he gives us the 411 on each. Over two hours into the trip, we finally turnon thee road that leads to the crater. Not even a mile in, we come to a halt. Why you ask? Welll, though this is not the rainy season, it has been raining more than normal...in fact, it was raining while we were driving. The result of the rain was erosion...erosion which led to one side of the road that we are supposed to travel downto collapsing. Yes...you read that right. The freaking road had collapsed...and there were tons of folks on both sides of the road standing outside and watching the water careen down the newly developed cliff. Of course, both BG and I were like...we are just going to wait this out bc we are going on a safari come hell or high water. Funny thing is that that was both literally and figuratively. Lol! And so we did just that. We sat there for damn near 45 mi utes waiting for the water level to decrease to the point that we could cross. And one we got the green light, we went on our way. Passing through, we noticed that a couple cars did not make it cross. And later on, we found out that at least two people lost their lives. Again I say, I have so much to be thankful for bc that could have easily been us. Anyways, we proceed to the crater. In order to get there, we have to traverse up a mountain. Why is it that Maku all of a sudden felt like he needed to become an Indy car driver? My nerves. Shot. After all most losing it a couple times, we finally get to the top and then descend into the crater. To say that is was breathtaking is an understatement. I was indeed in awe. No explanation other than God is real. Finally, at the bottom, we get to open up the top of the Land Rover, as we would start to begin seeing lots of animals. And, the crater did not disappoint. First, there were the gazelles and wildebeests. Then jackals and warthogs. Then zebra. And they all seemed to be coexisting. Then the hyenas and the sole cheetah that was saw. And then the king of the jungle...or should I say queens bc you that it is the female that seems to do most of the work. This one hyena actually scared the hell out of us because we didn't see it...and then all of a sudden,it was right up on our truck. Another hyena actually got buck with me and I was like...I need you to back on down boss. Of course, my ass never left the truck. Lol! The we saw ostriches, hippos, rhinos, and elephant...monkeys. It was sensory overload...and I enjoyed very last minute of it. Definitely, the experience of a lifetime. Again, I am abundantly blessed. After the safari, we had our Tanzanian version of Thanksgiving (ie...we had regular ole dinner...lol). But I was thankful to be able to Skype with my family yet again...to tell them about my amazing experience. Despite not being with my family, it was indeed one of the best Thanksgivings I have ever had.

Travelogue: Tanzania - Day 1

Four East African cities. 3 flights. 10 hours. 1 day. So...this morning we raised early in downtown Nairobi to catch our 8:30 am flight to Zanzibar. It was a struggle getting up, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Today, we would be flying Precision Air, which is an African continental airline. I must say...they were on it. On time at each stop and very friendly. Anyways, we arrived in Zanzibar at 10 ish. Flying into Zanzibar was gorgeous. I couldn't wait to get back here to chill on the beautiful beaches. We walk into the airport and it looks every bit like the airport in like a 1950s island movie. Apparently, Zanzibar is like the holiday playground for Europeans. We walked in and we were clearly the only Negros in the building that were not working. And so I politely found a seat in the middle of the lobby, posted up, pulled out my iPad, and proceeded to watch The Wire...while giving folks the side eye. Lol! I know that's wrong, but I did...to let folks know that I'm supposed to be here just like you. Don't play. #bourgienegro Next stop was a 15 minute flight to Dar es Salaam. Nothing much here...but we will be back to elmore on our final day in Africa. And finally a flight to Kilimanjaro International Airport. Yep...that Kilimanjaro. It is beautiful and amazing. We flew into Kilimanjaro and were met by our guide, Make. Maku then drove us to Arusha, a small town at the base of Mt. Meru. We are staying at the Karamo Lodge, which is literally in the hills of the mountain. Think Disney's Wilderness Lodge...but actually in the wilderness and with individual lodges with mosquito netting. This will be our home for two nights, with tomorrow being our all day safari. I'm uber synced about that...so stay tuned.

Travelogue: Nairobi - Days 2 and 3

(currently sitting at a sports pub listening to Michael Jackson's You Rock My World) Nairobi has been a great experience thus far. Initially, I must admit that I was a little nervous...but only because the State Department issued a travel warning for Kenya just a few weeks ago. But, now that I'm here, I'm A-OK and ready to explore. I can't say the same for BG though. LOL! So, yesterday, our first excursion was to an elephant orphanage. It was awesome and we got to get up close and personal with the pachyderms. Amazing animals. En route to the elephants, I realized that driving in Nairobi is a skill. There are street signs, but I swear for the most part that they are just suggestions on what you should do...that no one seems to follow. And "riding the bumper" is the norm...as if you don't, you can best believe that someone will maneuver their way in front of you. Lol! I was on edge the entire time. Anyways, after the elephants, we went to the Giraffe Center and fed the giraffes. I must admit, this was one of the highlights of my day. The giraffes were eating right out of my hands...and then when they were overit.com, they politely shot us the deuces. LOL! And did you realize that giraffes only sleep between 5 and 30 minutes every 24 hours? Me either. Ha! Then it was lunch time. We went to this great restaurant called Carnivore -- think Kenyan Fogo de Chao. We sat outside, which was nice -- except for the damn cats. I don't know who told the owner of this restaurant that it was OK to have his house cats outside. Like seriously? Cats are evil and I don't trust them. But, I was hungry...so I anyways. Ha! Next up was the croc farm. Yeah...there were crocodiles everywhere and all I could think was...I could make a killing off of some shoes and belts at this joint. LMAO! And then it happened. The worst part of the day. We head over to the Nairobi National Museum and get stuck in the wort traffic I have ever been in in my life. It's bad enough that my nerves were already shot from just riding in the taxi -- but then, to have to sit in this hellish traffic for over two hours was the worst. I fell asleep twice...woke back up and we STiLL were not there. I was about to just get out of the car and walk...though I didn't know where the hell I was. It was torture. And then, you know we got to the museum and that joint was closed. I started to have a hissy fit like a 5 year old...but it would have been to no avail. So, back to The hotel we went to chill and unwind from that hellish traffic situation. After a few hours, it was time to hit the streets bc I was like, I'll be damned if I come to Nairobi and not go out - terror warning or no terror warning. So I do some Internet research and we ask a few of the hotel folks, and we end up at the spot called The Florida Club. Ha! How fitting! It was aight..very safe...a decent crowd...and cheap drinks. But speaking of cheap drinks, why is it that any drink here consists of a shot. Like one. Like, Ki ordered a double Jameson and that joint came out looking like a double shot. WTH! We ended p just ordering a bottle of Kenyan rum for like $20.00. And after finishing the bottle...it was time to call it a night. Day 2: why in the world we told our driver to be outside at 9 am is beyond me bc clearly we were hungover. And of course, he was actually there by 845. SMH! Anyways, off to the museum we go. It was actually pretty awesome. Great learning about the rich culture of his great land. After the museum, it was off to the famous Massai Market. Time for bargaining. We played good cop-bad cop. It's funny though bc these salesmen were really trying to get us. Ummm...pump your breaks, sir...you don't know us and we don't take well to attempted bamboozling. No sir. We will give you $35 for all of that. And if you can't work with that, then we will move on to the next person. LOL! Needless to say, we ended up with some good deals. After that, it was time to get some rest...and then do a little self guided walking tour. I mean...you know I had to get some pictures. And now...I am sitting here...anxious about our next stop. Tanzania, here we come in the am.