Happy Hour: The Tragedy

So...I had a rough night last night. But, it starts earlier in the day. I ate lunch at 12...got off at 3...came home and took a nap...arose at 6 to go to my favorite happy hour spot.

And, this is where the tragedy begins.

I go to my favorite bartender...who begins mixing my drink as soon as he sees me walk in the door. (TRAGEDY #1)

I have that drink...plus about 6 more (TRAGEDY #2)

I'm feeling real good....nothing out of the normal for me for a Thursday night.

But then...it hits me. The stomach cramps...and my head begins to spin...and I realize...oh wow, I drank all of that on an empty stomach...I'm drunk and about to vomit. Being the controlled drunk that I am, I take a seat on a stool near my friends...put my head down....and then quickly grab a cup so that I don't vomit all over the place. (TRAGEDY #3) Cup #1 - FULL!

At this point, my friends are in awe b/c I never create this sort of scene. They are actively attending to me...of course, while everyone is watching. (TRAGEDY #4).

At some point, one of my friends is taking a napkin and wiping my forehead. My drunk ass, thinking that this is hilarious, bursts out into laughter...enough so to throw myself off of the stool and onto the floor. (TRAGEDY #5)

Three or four more cups of liquid vomit later (TRAGEDY #s 6-10), I am ready to go. I stand up with head high and proceed out of the door. My friends are trying to figure out who is going to drive me home. As they are formulating the plan, I am steady walking to my car like I'm about to drive myself home. I get to my car...crank it up...and then notice my friends running across the street to stop me. (TRAGEDY #11) I oblige her and then she drives me home...and makes sure I get to bed.

This morning, I awaken to go to work. I hop out of bed, pull a suit out of the closet, and then my head and stomach simultaneously say, "Sit your black ass down!" (TRAGEDY #12) I run to the bathroom, vomit some more, call in to work, and go back to bed for the rest of the day.

At some point, I crawl out of bed...and try to head to the kitchen to get a carbonated beverage. Open the refrigerator and NOTHING!! No carbonation; not even a damn bottle of orange juice. (TRAGEDY #13).

Dark...dark...and special dark!

Needless to say, I stayed my black ass home this evening.

The Truth Serum

So, I'm at a holiday party on Friday evening. Wine and beer were a-flowing. A group of judges were talking. One judge says...jokingly in response to another..."yeah...you can be my date to the party next year." Other judge: I'm not into that brokeback nonsense.

LMAO! Needless to say, though I was planning on leaving, I stayed until they left to see if anything else colorfol would be said.

And Then it was Frigid...

So, yeah...I wake up this morning to go the gym before work. I'm one of those strange souls that is OK with waking up at 6:00 a.m. to go and work out before I go to the office. So, anyways, I walk outside...and it is freezing. I mean...like I almost start to turn around and go back in the house. But, I was already up...and out...and so I just ran to the gym. Yep...a little adrenalin builder before the actual adrenalin builder.

So...it was cold.

But, what about, I came home from work tonight...and walked in my house...only to find that it was not too much warmer than it was outside. I look at the thermostat and it says 65. And, now I'm like...who in the SAM HELL would turn a thermostat to 65 in DC in the winter. I mean, fuck being cheap...that's just downright triflin. So, of course, I turn it up...way up...and now I'm in my room so as to avoid a conflict with the triflin roommate, as I was a little touched a minute ago. He better be glad that he is not home.


On a lighter note...I read the funniest complaint that I have ever read in my life today. A homeless person, whose address was "The Bench outside of 13th and G NW" is suing DC. Among many other things, she is suing for breach of contract after she bought something "that was sold back to her reused." LMAO!! Sad, but funny!

A H.A.M.

Orenthal James Simpson is a HOT ASS MESS!! Period. Point blank.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/TV/11/15/simpsoninterview.ap/index.html

Nothing more. Nothing less. Except for this...OJ is dumb ass...ole raggedy ass bitch ass needs to get back to his roots ass H.A.M. sammich!

Carry on!

The Red Light District

So...on Saturday...a couple of my frat brothers and I visited Baltimore's "Red Light District." We went there after attending a ball. Yes...we were suited....which is issue #1. So, here were are 6 black guys...in suits...looking like we are coming from a MBA conference...in downtown Baltimore...in the Red Light District. Let's just say...we looked out of place. So, we turn the corner after getting directions (yeah...we were walking...in downtown Bodymore)...and there it is....the District. We are walking down the sidewalk...and at the very first door, this bouncer convinces us to come into his establishment...and since there was no cover, we checked it out. All I can say is...YUCK, BARF, ERLL, GAG! I'm talking about...just as SOON as we walked in to the door (us 6 black guys...clearly NOT from Baltimore...and all dressed in suits) we were approached by Becky the stripper. Now...Becky wasn't your Player's Club-type, Magic City/Strokers stripper...she was...err...GROSS! She had more gut than booty...and just looked plain dirty! But, she was happy as hell...as she thought she was about to make a killing. (insert long 3 minute BORAT pause) NOT!! She was trying to get my attention...and it clearly was NOT working. She then proceeded to tell me that she could tell that I was married and scared to be in such an establishment. I then proceeded to give her the "Bitch, back up" stare...and it STILL didn't work. Then, she started telling me her life story...and why she was working there...and why she needed the money. Mind you...all this time, I'm still giving her the "Bitch, back up" stare. She wasn't taking the hint. Then she proceeded to explain that she needed the money to take care of her son...who she had that particular weekend...because she was just given weekend visitation rights. LOL! Yep, you read that right. This heffa had her son for the weekend...but was in the club trying to make a dollar! First of all, why are you JUST getting visitation rights...and why only on the weekend? Isn't that your child? What did you do? Are you a crackhead? She finally got the hint that I wasn't going to bite...as I started to finally round up the troops...she made sure she pressed her ass against me....but clearly...no rise...because you are an ugly ass, more gut than ass having, visitation on the weekend crackhead beyatch!

Needless to say...we left there...and ended up at the real deal strip club called Norma Jeans. Let's just say...though we were only there shortly...like 15 minutes and then it was closing time, I will be going back. :)

Ooops...I Did it Again!

Funny Story from last week:

So, what about I'm sitting here at work...writing, or should I say, attempting to write this draft of an opinion (my writing skills don't seem to be gelling today)...

Anyways, the Judge comes into my office. As usual, he stands by my desk/ and asks me questions about cases. He then smiles and makes the following remark: "You and your choice of music." And, he's smiling, but his smile is a look of wonder. (i.e. the same look that he gave me when I was listening to Dianna Krall or Spyro Gyra or Maroon 5, as if I'm not supposed to listen to different types of music)

Now, I'm thinking...what is so different about my music today? I mean, I'm listening to D'Angelo's Brown Sugar CD (a classic, I might add). What's so different about that? Then, I realize that it is on Track 5...

And Track 5 is aptly titled...S**t, Damn, MF. LOL!

And, did I mention that it was loud? LMAO! Ooops! Needless to say, as he stood there and talked to me, I slowly and slyly turned the volume down a couple notches. LOL!

MTV is the Devil

OK...so yeah...I watch MTV from time to time. But, I'm going to try to curb that...because...MTV IS THE DEVIL.

Where is this coming from? Well, I find it absolutely hypocritical and discriminatory that MTV has put Justin Timberlake on a platform; and stepped on Janet's back. If I'm not mistaken, they BOTH contribute to Boobgate. But, it seems that MTV quickly forgave Justin and still hate Janet. Has anyone noticed that Janet's videos are no longer played on MTV? Yeah...MTV's first IDOL gets no airplay. And her record sales are an indication of how powerful MTV is. Justin debuted at #1 selling way over 600000 copies. Janet debuted at #2, selling just under 300000 copies. Justin went platinum in 2 weeks. Janet sales dropped over 70% the second week. As we live in the age of music video, your record sales don't depend solely on radio play. Television exposure is also a large part of the equation...and MTV is a large part of that equation. Thus, Janet gets no love.

I haven't even heard Janet's entire album yet. Maybe it is that her album isn't good. I find that hard to believe. Or maybe Justin's album is just that much better. (it is in extra heavy rotation on my end). But, I think the sales correlate to the fact that MTV has given him the spotlight and shunned her...despite the fact that HE was the one that disrobed her nipple. No justice for Janet.

Comments Galore

Yep...it is has been quite a while since I have blogged...and I have a bunch of random shit to say...

Where do I start?

1. My Class Reunion
Well, despite my rants and raves prior to the reunion, it actually turned out well. It was not as well attended as we had thought, but a good time was still had. And, it was really good to see MOST of the people that I graduated with ten years ago. But, others...yeah...they could have stayed their asses home. I mean, one in particular, just lies and lies and lies. But, I won't even go there. Well, actually, I will. Why do people have to put on fronts? I mean, if you work at a furniture store, be a proud furniture store worker...b/c guess what, you have a job....you are paying your bills...and you are doing alright. And, I, for one, could care less what it is that you do...as long as you are happy. You ain't got to lie, Craig...you ain't got to lie.

2. Ineptitude
Why are certain people in a certain division of a certain courthouse...so INEPT? I mean, how are you going to tell me one thing...and then tell the polar opposite to the next person that asked you the same exact question. Just triflin...and INEPT!!

3. Desperate Housewives
Am I the only one that was taken for a loop when Chow Mei ended up having a black baby? LOL! When Gabby and Carlos saw that baby, they were like...hell no...there will not be a Tyrone Jerome Solis here! lol Someone (BG) said that baby was Dominican (LMAO)...but I think not. THAT was a brother!

4. The Wire
Is it me...or is The Wire one of the best shows on TV? It's sad b/c it is a very realistic depiction of West Baltimore...but it is a great show. And, Omar is my mofo! And speaking of The Wire, why is Marlo's forehead so long? I mean, damn..it he has a football field on his forehead. He needs to do like Memphis Bleek and Neyo and just wear hats all the time.

5. White Water Rafting
The rapids were blah...class 1, 2, and maybe one 3. But, what was the craziest thing about my Saturday trip was when the Jack and Jill man came up and stole our chicken...and then he acted like he didn't know that it was our chicken when he KNEW that his wife had ordered pizza for them.

6. Short hair is not the business for all women. Please and thanks.

7. As AL said last night, why hasn't anyone picked at Deelishus (Flavor of Love) for those nasty ass keloids she has on her back? And, then that bitch has the nerve to wear off the shoulder dresses? LOL!

8. Why am excited about going home the third weekend of October?

9. My next door neighbor's cat has one more time to be over in our backyard b/c next time, I will be taking him up to the CarryOut for them to make some general tso chicken out of him.

10. The weather here in DC has been beautiful. I have been enjoying my walks to and from work.
OK...that's it...my mind has too much randomness going on.

This is NOT High School Anymore

...so yeah...I'm still venting about my upcoming reunion. As happy as I will be to see some folks, I can't wait for this to be over. It's become the bane of my existence...until Sunday, that is.

Anyways, one of my classmates calls me to ask about where to go for registration on Friday. Of course, I snidely reply...had you checked your email, you would have seen an entire agenda for the weekend. (Me thinking: Stop blowing my damn phone up when you have all the answers at hand.) What's even funnier is that this one of the people that RSVP'd, yet we STILL don't have their damn money! I mean, why are you even asking about what is going on b/c if I don't have your money by registration on Friday, you will be locked the fuck out! I don't play that!

Then he proceeds to want a rundown of who is going to be in attendance. I name a few people off the top of my head. He is like...yep...I'll be trying to hit that this weekend...in fact, it's my goal to get with those girls that I didn't get with in high school. Now, I'm thinking, is he fuckin serious? Grow the fuck up? If they didn't want your ass then...what in the SAM HELL makes you think that they want you now...when your ass is complaining to me about how $40 is too much! Ole cheap ass! And, did I mention that he is the same one who requested that I order him a XXXXL shirt? Old cheap and gargantuan Shrek looking ass...and you think someone wants to talk to your SWOW (that's swine and cow combined) ass? I THINK NOT!!

(breathe)

These folk have done tested my nerves. I just hope that I don't go off this weekend...and even so, I don't give a fuck.

A Measly Forty Dollars...

...the total amount that my committee and I decided to charge for our class reunion. Coming from a class of only 176 in a small town, we didn't find it necessary to charge an exorbitant rate. We found that if we found ways to decrease costs, that we would have more people that would attend.

Survey Says: BAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMM!!!

Apparently not. Yeah...we only have about 50 people who signed up, if that...and about 10-15 of them paid AFTER the deadline. And, then some people are asking me about the breakdown of the costs b/c they don't want to do certain things. I'm like...for real...$40...stop being so fuckin cheap. In fact, I talked to one of my old classmates and when I told him $40, you would have thought that I said $4000. He was like...damn! And, of course, I'm like...don't be a cheap bitch. Of course, he defaulted to the...$40 is not a lot to you b/c you a lawyer, but that's a lot. Of course, I'm like...nukka, I have been a working lawyer for all of 3 weeks, after two months of unemployment, $140,000 in loans, a $200 plane ticket, and $70 for car rental for the weekend...and you don't hear me complaining about $40. If you really want to attend and reconnect with people that you haven't seen in 10 years, you can pay the $40, ESPECIALLY since your triflin ass still lives in our hometown...not to mention that you stupid ass has known for AT LEAST 6 months...and known for the last fuckin 10 years that the reunion was going to happen THIS YEAR. I mean, if you saved a dollar a year, you are 25% paid!!

Of course, that was met with silence...and then he's like, yep, you still tell it like it is. LOL!!

Cookout Hopping

So, yesterday my friend and I went cookout hopping....that is, we went to three different cookouts in one day...you know...to socialize, catch up with friends...and most important, EAT!! So, at the first barbecue at one of boy's house...they were playing Beirut aka Beer Pong. They had the table set up outside. I, having the table set up before, but never seeing it played, sat there at watched and was completely disgusted. I mean, that has to be the most unsanitary game I have ever seen in my life. And, despite the fact that you "rinse" of the ping pong in water before you toss it in someone's cup, that shit still is unsanitary. I mean, you pick up the ball...and then toss it into someone's beer, who then proceeds to drink it. I mean, what if you scratch yourself AFTER taking the ball out of the water and then toss it in someone's drink. That would be nasty as hell. Anyways...that wasn't the only unsanitary thing going on. OK...so there was of course hambergers and chicken on the grill. And, any normal...regular...sane person would know that you are not supposed to use the same utensils. But, clearly...someone didn't get the memo! The dude on the grill was using the same tongs to pick up the hamburgers as he was the RAW CHICKEN. I mean, can we SCREAM SALMONELLA??!! Needless to say, I didn't eat at that cookout.

Next cookout was wayyy out in West Hell! For real, though, we made a wrong turn, and I'll be damned if we didn't end up in Silent Hill. We thought our life was over! Anyways, we finally found way to the cookout....mind you it's like 9:00 p.m. Family cookout...I knew nobody...it was the friend of my friend...and she had seen her friend in like a year. Of course, we get there and see all this food and they are like...go fix yourself a plate. I, of course, don't eat everyone's food...but their house seemed clean...and they all had their eyes on me, so I fixed a plate. I was actually happy, though, b/c by this time, I was hungry as hell. So, I fix a turkey burger, some mac and cheese, and green beans. I'm thinking...these are three things that you just can't mess up. Survey says.....BOMMMM!!! The turkey burger was good...but the mac and green beans were a hot mess!! I mean, like...how can mess up green beans? What made it so bad is that is looked like it was going to be so good...I mean, the beans had the smoked turkey in it and all. But, womp womp womp...no seasoning what so ever...it was like they just opened up the damn can and warmed them bitches up in the microwave...then put the smoked turkey on top as a decoration. And, let me not even start on the mac and cheese. Just plain disappointed.

Third cookout....the best one of the day! Great food...great company...great games...hand dancing...spades...couldn't ask for anything better...and of course, we stayed until like 2 a.m. LOL!

Working is Overrated

So...today was the first day in the rest of my life. Yep, I again entered into the work force...and I must say it was boring as hell. The first day consisted of hours of HR stuff...stuff which I could have done in a matter of an hour. But, I had to go through the motions of sitting there and acting like I had no idea what they were talking about, despite my prior three years in HR and 2 years interning for the federal government. Oh well...I guess it comes along with the territory of new employment. I, of all people, should know that.

There were some highlights of the day:

1. When I finally was let go by HR, I went to my office to discover that they had already changed out all the name plates and put my name on the door outside and on my desk. That was cool.
2. I actually went through a mini-swearing in procedure.

The most memorable part of the day, however, was when walking to lunch with the 2 other people that started today. As we were about to cross the street, one of the girls somehow missed the curb and fell. And, it wasn't just your ordinary fall....it was like the worst fall in the world...in the middle of an extremely busy intersection. It was so bad that she had to sit on the ground for a second and recoup. Now...of course, I helped her up and made sure that she was OK...but from that point on, I walked in front of the 2 ladies b/c I didn't want them to see that I was laughing uncontrollably. That shit was the funniest thing that I have seen in a long time. I'm laughing about it as I sit here and type. Good thing that she was alright.

...and another thing...so, I get off work today...totally intended to come straight home and come to the gym. Yea...so that didn't happen. I came home and took a 2 hour nap...the best nap I've had in a long time...a nap so good that I plan on doing the same thing tomorrow...which means going to the gym BEFORE work. We'll see how this works.

Customer Service

I truly don't believe that some people understand the importance of quality customer service. It is a matter of what most of us learned from our parents even before we started school...and that is to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. And, when running a business, it is imperative that you treat people with respect and fairness to ensure that they will support your business in the long run.

Where is this coming from?

Last night, one of my "co-workers" acted a damn fool at the door of a party, which is NOT good customer service. And, though I was on the verge of calling her the bitch that she was, I refrained to not cause a scene...but best believe that when the crowd died down, I went over and put her ugly ass in check. Needless to say, she won't be working the door anymore.

Stepping into the Darkness

Well...I have finally done it. I have finally stepped into that which is dark...that which is MySpace. And, I have already found myself wasting precious time looking at other people's pages. The funny thing is that I am already addicted to Facebook, which I must say that I like 10 times better than MySpace. Yes, MySpace has the music and videos...but it is much harder to navigate...and I'on know about the fact that I am on the same network with my 17 year old nephew and his friends. The real reason that I joined is actually legit however...this year marks my 10 year reunion and as the president of my senior class, I have organized the reunion. One of the classmates on my committee informed me that several of our "lost" classmates had pages on MySpace...and thus, in order to promote the reunion, I joined and found those classmates. (Yes, I'm also on classmates.com, reunion.com, alumniclass.com...all of them in order to promote this reunion). So, he was right...and now the word for our late September reunion is spreading more rapidly...which is exactly what I wanted. Outside of the reunion, however, I still have spent too much time on this beast called MySpace...and can already see how it is addictive.

Caribana 2006

...all I have to say is WOW! I had a BLAST in Toronto for Caribana. And, as that was my first time in Toronto, I have to give it one big fat THUMBS UP! It's like a mini-NY, except it is CLEAN and the people are NICE. And, I don't know if it was just b/c of Caribana, but if the women of Toronto are as beautiful as all the ones that we saw, I may just have to think about moving. (OK...not really b/c despite the fact that I like cold weather and the snow, I don't do blizzards)

Anyways, here are some memories....not exactly a top ten b/c it is early and I am old and can't remember everything...but definitely some good memories...

1. The look on GFW's face when he pulled a 9 while we were playing Kings.
2. The trombone and the tuba. LMAO!!
3. PC and the parade. Let's just say that someone was extremely happy and in their element.
4. The mosh pit or whatever at the White Party. In particular, EE...what happened to you man...why is your white not white anymore? LOL!
5. The Karaoke Bus.
6. GFW: That was more like 2 strikes. You have one more time and then it is on.
7. The mall parking lot at Christmas time.
8. Rappin ForTay at the club...talking to me about the Silver Fox. Um...yeah....we are in Toronto, NOT in Duval!
9. You will have a guilty conscience about the headband. lol
10. Where's WW? I think we lost him.
11. Why is the only time that we saw a near fight in the club when we went to the Def Jam (American) party?
12. It's CARNIVAL!! ... this is the song that we heard at least 10 times each day that we were in Toronto.
13. Clearly someone did not get the memo that wearing those 50Cent thick strap tanks is a no-no...and especially to the club with dress pants. NOT a good look!
14. It's all about the points.
15. That nasty ass rice outside of the club...um...this takes like seasoned cardboard.
16. GFW in club sizing up any and everybody he walked passed. LOL...ni**a what?
17. REE to the Hooters waitress: Could we have a do ever?
18. Me: Um...who just grabbed my booty? GFW: That girl and her friend right there that just ran down the street.
19. You mean to tell me that all you have is doughnuts? I mean, how are you going to be advertising 24 hours and you don't have any meat?
20. GFW: (excited) That's Dwight Gooden. Me: You mean, Drew. LOL!

Anyways...another wonderful time with my boys...the ones that keep me grounded. As soon as the points are built back up, off to London. LOL!

The Heat

...it is hotter than a witch's nipple outside!! I mean...damn...I'm supposed to be living up North and it is hotter here than it is in my native Florida. And, here I am telling people that I could not move back to Florida b/c of the heat...well, if that's true, then I need to move to Canada b/c Florida heat and humidity has taken over the District.

Speaking of heat...so today I go to court to watch some cases. And, one dude was up on a show cause for possible violation of probation. So, the probation officer is telling the judge how the guy has been coming in and testing negative...except for one week, he refused to be tested. And, the judge is like...um....why couldn't you be tested that week? I mean, if you have been testing negative all this time, why all of a sudden are you refusing to be tested? Sounds to me like your piss is going to be cloudy (ok...he didn't say it like that...but that is what he clearly was thinking). So, then the guy goes...it wasn't my fault, your honor. I couldn't go...I just couldn't use it that week. And, of course, the judge is like...b/c you would test positive, right. And, then the guy goes...no, your honor, it's because I got burned...and I couldn't pee. Now...I'm thinking...ooooohh.....he got burnt....I wonder if the judge knows what "burned" means. Clearly, he didn't b/c he goes...well how did you get burned? At this point, it is taking everything that I have NOT to burst into laughter. Then the guy goes...Sex, your honor. The look on the judges face at this point is CLASSIC...you could see it set in on him. Then, he's like...SIDEBAR!! LMAO!! Now THAT was hilarious!!

Praise the Lord and Shame the Devil!!

Hallelujah...the bar is over!

This process has been the most taxing and strenuous process in my life. I mean, I spent at least 8 hours a day studying for the last 2 months (well, month and a half). NOT a good look! But, it's over now...and now I'm back to normal...so I MUST make comments.

OK...yeah...I was extremely unimpressed with the event coordinators at the Tampa Convention Center. I mean, they have help to organize the bar for numerous years and you would have thought that this was the very first year. I am thankful that the Lord have already given me a spirit of peace because if I was at all stressed going into the exam, I would have lost it standing outside with the rest of the 2000-3000 people waiting to take the exam...while wondering if I was going to get it in time. My friend and I got to the test site at 7:30 for the 9:00 exam and didn't make it to our seats until at least 8:40. RIDICULOUS!! They had only one cashier for taking money in the room that we had to leave all of our stuff in...yeah...one person for over 2000 people. Then, for lunch...yeah...why is it that there are like NO eating places directly around the TCC. I mean, it's a Convention Center for God's sake. Why no vendors? So, yeah...they did have a courtesy cart with sandwiches...and a restaurant called Jackson's across the water...but, that was about it. However, other than the logistics of event planning, everything else went smoothly.

Now that I think about, it is absolutely amazing to me that the state with the 4 largest population in America has all of its bar applicants take the exam all in ONE room. Yep, you read that right...everyone taking the Florida bar was in ONE room. It was "WOW"! Not overwhelming...but WOW!! lol

Anyways, I'm just thankful its over. Now, I can relax until the career begins.

Countdown

OK...the countdown is officially on and poppin...in exactly a week, I will be hoping on a plane to Tampa to take the bar. It's been a long summer...extremely long...but I'm ready to get this ish over.

(speaking like the crazy ass PMRB lady) I got this baby!!

I Am...

...irritated, agitated, and aggravated...sick and tired of being sick of tired...spirit on a very low low...physically and mentally exhausted.

Yep...that's me in a nutshell.

I Have to Go to Heaven...

...b/c I am currently living in HELL! Studying for the bar is worse than law school itself. I mean, today, I started surfing the web for jobs on Monster.com b/c I am soooo over it! Hey...Polo Ralph Lauren is hiring management. Why not do that...and secure myself the discount that I need instead of slaving away for 10-11 hours a day learning damn Property and Contracts? Again...I'm soooo over it!